Does My Husband or Wife Have Dementia?

Some memory loss is a natural part of getting older, but if your spouse or partner starts having significant lapses in memory, then this can be concerning. While a doctor’s evaluation is needed for an official diagnosis of dementia, changes in your spouse’s memory, grooming habits, sleep schedule, and overall mood can serve as warning signs.

After being married to someone for a long time, you often know them better than they know themselves. A dementia diagnosis can be scary, but learning more about what it means for you and your loved one can give you the tools you need to help them maintain a connection to themselves.

What Are the Warning Signs My Spouse Has Dementia?

Dementia is an umbrella term for several conditions that impair the ability to remember, think, or make decisions, including Alzheimer’s. Memory loss associated with dementia goes beyond expected age-related memory changes and gets worse over time.

Early warning signs of dementia can vary between individuals and can present differently in women, but can include difficulties with:

• Remembering medications
• Managing personal hygiene
• Planning and preparing meals
• Tracking a purse or wallet
• Traveling out of the neighborhood
• Keeping appointments
• Paying bills

However, if your spouse is naturally very forgetful, it can sometimes be tricky to determine whether these signs are normal or indicative of dementia. Checking with your doctor can help catch dementia early, but you can also watch out for:

• Excessive disorientation
• Aggressive behavior stemming from confusion and agitation
• Unusual or increasing desire for isolation
• Changes in eating habits 
• Difficulties navigating familiar spaces
• Problems holding a conversation or recognizing familiar faces

These are signs that your spouse’s dementia is becoming more severe. If you haven’t yet seen a doctor by the time you notice these symptoms, consider making an appointment.

How Do I Talk to My Spouse About Getting a Dementia Diagnosis?

Many older adults can be embarrassed when faced with the reality that their capabilities are no longer what they once were. Such embarrassment could be expressed in a conversation about dementia or about the need for hearing aids, or in one of many other ways. Before having a talk with your spouse, it can be helpful to consider:

• Whether there is anyone else in their life that they might appreciate being involved
• Whether they’ve previously mentioned memory problems to you
• Whether they might be scared about what dementia could mean for them

Patience and compassion are paramount when talking to your spouse about their memory problems, especially if that conversation ends with suggesting that it may be time to speak with a doctor about dementia. When approaching this conversation, try:

• Picking a space that is familiar and non-threatening
• Choosing a time when you won’t be rushed, disturbed, or interrupted
• Using reassuring and non-judgemental language
• Really listening to your spouse and what they have to say

It can also be helpful to approach this kind of conversation from the point of view of preventative care. Although there is no cure for dementia, it can nonetheless be managed with the help of a supportive care team. If your loved one is particularly resistant to getting a diagnosis, taking physical notes of any changes that you observe in their behavior can be a beneficial way to help the conversation.

What Does a Doctor’s Visit for Dementia Diagnosis Look Like?

Getting a dementia diagnosis is noninvasive. Typically, your healthcare provider will perform several tests to measure your spouse’s attention, memory, problem-solving and other cognitive abilities but may also order a physical exam, blood tests, or brain scans (CT or MRI). 

These tests can help determine whether there is cause for concern or if there is an underlying cause of the symptoms you’ve observed. Remember that it can be scary to come to terms with having dementia–try to have patience with your loved one and sympathy for the challenges that they’re facing.

What Do I Do if My Spouse Does Have Dementia?

Take time to adjust to your new reality. A dementia diagnosis can result in changes in your relationship with your spouse as their memory declines and as you begin to take on more of a caregiver role. Remember that your feelings of grief are not selfish and find ways to support yourself, such as by:

• Joining a dementia support group
• Including family & friends on your journey
• Taking advantage of support networks like respite care or memory care
• Continuing to embrace your passions & hobbies

Support from programs and places like Peregrine Senior Living Orchard Park can help you redefine what memory care for people with dementia looks like. Trained medical professionals can help with general medical needs, nutritional needs, improving changes in movement and communication caused by dementia, navigating emotional changes, and providing access to community-based resources.

The Peregrine Way™ focuses on helping residents maintain a connection to themselves through long-term memories, families, and person-centered care that goes above and beyond typical dementia care. Contact us today to see how we can support you and your spouse with dementia.